positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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