Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
