"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
