What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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