3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
