First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she told me i tasted like america
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
