you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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