oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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