The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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