Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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