i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
