I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
