you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
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Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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