I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
