i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
