wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
