ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
