Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
