His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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