Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
