There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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