Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
