i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
