he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
