You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
