Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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