Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i've created a new STD.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
