I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
