CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
