I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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