At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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