just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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