i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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