Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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