maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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