Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
