how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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