it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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