I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i will never coherently bang her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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