They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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