Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
