May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
