did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
