Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
