Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
