im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
