I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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