I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
