i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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