Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
