Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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