Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
