I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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