Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
