no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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