my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
