He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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