just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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