He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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