before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
