well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
