it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Randomize
