i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
