You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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