ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
