Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
