Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
