Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
