Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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