I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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