I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.