In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
they need to just BURY HIM!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements