Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
