Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
