Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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