Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
