just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
