Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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